She had gotten a facial the night before and a blow out the day of. On the morning of the date, she weighed herself and was happy to see that she had lost a half a pound. She resolved to eat a small piece of salmon and a banana for lunch. No, no banana, just water. Best not to be bloated. She spent six minutes comparing polishes at the nail salon. Ballet Slippers or Just Got Engaged? Pinky nude or nudy pink? This is fun, she thought. Playing with colors is fun. She went to work and was cheerful. Someone said “Miss, miss can you get me a sandwich.“ When she asked him to address her by doctor, he laughed at her and told her to fuck herself. “No tits, no ass, stupid dyke jap bitch.”

She showed up for the date at 8 pm. He said he had almost cancelled because it was a trek for him to get from Jersey City to Midtown. He had been sitting at home playing World of Warcraft in his sweatpants and had not changed for their date. She said she was happy to see him anyway. She liked how he was honest with her. They had dinner. Afterwards they went back to his place. She really wanted him to like her. He started pushing his mouth against hers. “Your lip gloss is gross,” he laughed at her. Self-conscious, she wiped it off and asked “do you like me better now?” He laughed at her again. She obliged, making noises when it seemed appropriate, arching her back every now and then. It didn’t matter if the whole thing was for show, that really it was not pleasurable, that it did not compare at all to masturbation. Afterwards, he said approvingly, “Sexy women are sexually empowered. That’s what makes them sexy.” And she thought, why yes, I am as empowered as any man. I can have sex with a person of my choosing.

He patted her on the head. Then he rolled over and fell asleep.


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